For co-parents, the holiday season can bring both joy and stress. While this time of year is meant for family celebrations, shared parenting schedules and differing traditions can make it difficult. 

Successfully navigating the holidays as co-parents requires early preparation, empathy, and a shared focus on the children’s happiness. Here are 10 comprehensive tips to help you and your co-parent handle the holidays with grace and positivity.

1. Plan Early and Communicate Clearly

Planning ahead can help you manage the complexities of holiday schedules, especially if travel or extended family visits are involved. As soon as the holiday season approaches, initiate a conversation with your co-parent about the logistics. Discuss your respective plans for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, or any other holiday your family celebrates. 

Make sure you clearly define the start and end times for any visitations and holiday activities. Consider having these discussions in a neutral setting and, if needed, follow up in writing to ensure both parties understand and agree to the plan.

2. Put the Kids First

While it’s natural for parents to want to spend as much time as possible with their children during the holidays, it’s important to remember that the focus should be on what’s best for them. Think about how your kids will feel if they’re rushed from house to house or involved in tense situations. Ask yourself what kind of holiday experience would make them happiest. 

Sometimes this may mean making personal sacrifices, such as splitting Christmas Day or agreeing to celebrate on a different day so the children can fully enjoy time with each parent. Keeping your children’s emotional well-being front and center ensures that they will create positive memories, even if the family dynamic has changed.

3. Follow the Custody Agreement

Your custody agreement is designed to set clear boundaries and expectations, which is especially useful during high-stress times like the holidays. Review the agreement carefully and ensure that you and your co-parent are on the same page about its terms. This may involve alternating holidays each year (e.g., one parent gets Thanksgiving one year, and the other gets Christmas), or splitting the holiday itself. 

If there are any gray areas or if your situation has changed since the custody order was established, consider seeking legal advice to clarify or modify the agreement. However, if your co-parent is willing to be flexible, open dialogue about mutually beneficial adjustments can work, as long as both parties agree.

4. Be Flexible

While sticking to the agreed-upon schedule is important, flexibility can go a long way in reducing tension and fostering goodwill. For example, if your co-parent wants to attend a special event with the children that falls outside of the usual schedule, try to accommodate it if it won’t interfere with your own plans. 

Flexibility doesn’t mean that one parent always has to give in—it’s about being willing to compromise for the sake of your children. When parents demonstrate flexibility and cooperation, children benefit from a more peaceful holiday environment. In return, you can ask for similar flexibility from your co-parent when needed.

5. Split or Share Holidays

There are different ways to split or share holidays, and finding the right balance depends on your family’s specific needs. One common approach is alternating holidays each year. For example, one parent has the children for Thanksgiving, while the other has them for Christmas.  

Another option is to split the day itself—perhaps the children spend Christmas morning with one parent and the afternoon with the other. This can allow both parents to have time with the children without feeling left out. Be mindful of travel logistics, though, as excessive back-and-forth can be tiring for the children and parents, especially if long distances are involved.

6. Create New Traditions

The holidays often come with long-standing family traditions, but divorce or separation may mean that old customs no longer fit. Instead of mourning the loss of those traditions, focus on creating new ones. For example, you can start a Christmas Eve pajama party or introduce a special holiday breakfast that becomes unique to your household. 

Even if the celebrations have changed this sense of continuity can help children adjust to their new family structure. Encourage your children to participate in creating these new traditions, which can help them feel more in control and less disrupted by the changes.

7. Respect Each Other’s Time

Time is precious, especially during the holidays, and respecting each other’s time can prevent unnecessary conflict. Stick to the agreed-upon schedule and avoid last-minute changes unless absolutely necessary. If drop-off and pick-up times are part of your holiday plan, make sure you’re punctual. Being late or unorganized can create stress and disrupt the flow of both parents’ plans. 

In addition, if your co-parent has plans with their extended family, try to ensure your children arrive on time so they can fully enjoy those moments. Demonstrating respect for each other’s time sets a positive example for your children about the importance of consideration and respect in relationships.

8. Keep Gift-Giving Coordinated

Gift-giving is a common source of tension between co-parents during the holidays. To avoid issues, coordinate with your co-parent about what presents the children will receive. This can help prevent duplicate gifts and ensure that both parents are on the same page about major purchases. For example, if your child wants an expensive item like a gaming console or a bicycle, you can discuss how to divide the cost or decide which parent will give it. 

It’s also important to avoid turning gift-giving into a competition. Children are highly perceptive and may feel caught in the middle if they sense their parents are trying to outdo each other. Work together to create a balanced and joyful gift experience for your kids.

9. Involve Extended Family Thoughtfully

Extended family, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, can play a significant role during holiday celebrations. However, co-parenting can complicate how and when children spend time with extended relatives. If your family and your co-parent’s family have strong holiday traditions, try to find a way to honor those relationships without overwhelming the children. 

In some cases, it may be possible to schedule separate visits with each side of the family, while in others, a joint celebration could be the solution. Be mindful of how much time children spend with extended family so that the holidays don’t feel overly hectic or stressful. This ensures that children enjoy the season while still having enough downtime to relax and recharge.

10. Maintain a Positive Attitude

Even in the best co-parenting situations, the holidays can be stressful. However, your attitude can greatly influence how your children experience the season. If you are visibly stressed, angry, or upset about the holiday schedule or your co-parent’s actions, your children are likely to pick up on those emotions. 

On the other hand, maintaining a positive, calm attitude—even when things are not going perfectly— helps your children feel secure and enjoy the holiday festivities. When challenges arise, take a step back and focus on what you can control.

Navigating Co-Parenting During the Holidays with Rodier Family Law

Managing co-parenting during the holidays doesn’t have to be a stressful experience. By following these 10 tips, you can create a positive, collaborative environment that ensures your children feel loved and cared for.

If you need help creating or modifying a custody arrangement or resolving co-parenting conflicts, Rodier Family Law is here to support you. Located in Bel Air, Maryland, our experienced family law attorneys provide compassionate guidance and effective legal solutions tailored to your family’s needs. 

Whether you’re navigating divorce, child custody, or other family law matters, we are committed to helping you find peace and stability during the holidays and beyond.